In this fortnightly series, Alison Glynn-Baker discusses some key concepts in Mandy Holloway’s book, ‘Inspiring Courageous Leaders’. She also poses some provocative questions. We invite you to provide your opinion and join the discussion.
The Slow Conversation Movement
Can you talk like you tweet? Didn’t think so. We may have worked out how to write a pithy tweet in less than 140 characters, but some things take good old-fashioned time. A relationship is one of them.
Stephen Covey’s nifty graphic encourages leaders to think about where they spend their time. Are you a Q3 kind of person – constantly putting out fires and attending to things on a last-in-first-out basis? Do you get to spend much time in the serene space that is Q1, taking time to plan and reflect?
So it is with our conversations at work. They can be to-do list, trivial, traumatic or transcendent.
Come again?
The To-do list Conversation – This is what I’m doing. This is what you’re doing. This is who I saw. This is when I’ll see them next. There’s a lot of what in these conversations, but not necessarily much how or why.
The Trivial Conversation – A trivial conversation is neither urgent nor important. Views are divided on social niceties – all the how’re you going and how was your weekend and so how’s this weather you hear in lifts and at water-coolers. I suppose these conversational rituals are necessary, otherwise you could be seen as unapproachable and possibly weird. As an introvert, though, I find this kind of conversation tiring unless it’s going to turn into a longer-term relationship.
Possibly even worse are trivial conversations in meetings. How many meetings have you attended – or even run – where everybody talks about nothing and nothing is decided?
The Traumatic Conversation (Your time starts…. Now!) – It’s urgent. It’s important. It’s one fire after another. Emotions and stakes are high, and everyone is exhausted afterwards.
The Transcendent Conversation – We apparently hear and process information four times faster than people can talk. So, it takes some doing to sit still and listen, without judging, jumping to conclusions or planning a sharp response.
That’s what this chapter is about. The importance of listening to understand.
This chapter is also about having the courage to share. Maybe you’ve had the courage to peel the onion on your own behaviour and preferences and it hasn’t caused too many tears. The next step is to bring yourself to a relationship, and allow the other person to do the same.
As a leader, in a sharing conversation you shouldn’t treat knowledge as power. There is a time for listening, but at some stage you need to makes yourself vulnerable by sharing your own views and experiences. Only by having conversations that rise above the ordinary, can you begin to experience the force of relationship mastery.
Did you read this and feel you had to defend your conversational corner? Maybe you are a big fan of the trivial conversation and see it as just as important. And to-do list conversations are a necessary evil, aren’t they? What kind of conversation works for you? This is your chance to have your say.
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About Alison Glynn-Baker: Alison Glynn-Baker has 15 years’ experience in professional services marketing, business development and operations. Through her own consultancy, she has combined her two passions – training and writing – to help clients improve performance both personally and in business.
