Courageous Leaders Blog

I recently engaged in a wonderful conversation to explore how courage could be used as an excuse for maverick behaviour - for example where someone doesn't want to adhere to good business process or implement a decision they don't agree with.

When organisations decide to embrace courage and invite their people to unleash more of it personally then leaders must be ready to engage in conversations to define what this looks and feels like in a constructive way.

I see people confusing courage with aggressively asserting an opinion and often at the expense of others.  Or at its worst, having the courage to defy a decision and making their own way forward without engaging in a conversation to explore any implications.

I do not believe this is courage at its best. Yes they have decided to face their fears and rather than retreat from a conversation or avoid sharing what they really think - have made a conscious effort to be courageous. However people can sometimes swing to the other end of the pendulum and instead of toeing the line as they have done previously, they display what could be perceived as maverick behaviours.

It is important to encourage people to find constructive ways to engage in these courageous conversations with each other; and because they haven't done it before they fumble their way through or bluster their way through!!

Courageous leaders engage in plenty of conversations to determine and agree on the behaviours they are going to use in the team to bring courage alive - dare I say it - it is a journey of exploration. And it needs to be very real and very confronting.

We had a client talking to us the other day about developing sessions to support their leaders to continue being constructive in these tough economic times. I believe this is where constructive behaviour can absolutely bring out the best for the organisation and in people - and it requires great courage and humility. So much easier to bunker down and look after yourself and your budget while blaming the economy for your choices.

I believe at the heart of being constructive during tough times is complete transparency in what is happening, what you know, what you don't know and how you are feeling; as the leader in an organisation and as a leader of people. Then encouraging everyone else to do the same and this takes humility. This part is not about you and your ego.

Out of these conversations can come solutions no one person could have thought of and out of these conversations comes support with people embracing the ultimate solutions because they understand. Too often leaders bunker down during the tough times and think the only way out is to be tough, from an ego and task perspective. They do this kind of "tough" by ordering people around and imposing solutions. This is the safe tough because it does not involve vulnerability. They come from a source of positional power and disengage from the people and the feelings associated with the decisions. In this way organisations lose their heart and soul. When the good times return people remember - they remember how you lead and treated people when the going got tough!!

Courageous leaders remain constructive during the tough times. They leverage their learning and change agility and mix it in with the resilience to bounce back.  To do this you need to come from a growth mindset (as espoused by Carol Dweck - see my tweets for more insights!)  and prevent ego from getting in your way - not easy for many leaders.

Be vulnerable, expose your very real thoughts and feelings. Share what you don't know and share what you are scared of - and remember this is not a sign of weakness, it is a strength and it is highly constructive.

Facilitating a module in our leadership development program we started to compare business teams to sports teams. We explored the elements of a high performing team and moved on to what leaders needed to do to keep and maintain a team in this high performing space. I challenged that from my experience we get sports teams into the high performing space with much greater speed and effectiveness than business teams because we have a coach who is prepared to give very honest feedback. The coaches give this kind of feedback as they know this is the best way to shift the skills and attitude of each individual in the team with the greatest speed - and in sports teams you only have a season, and that is normally only a number of months! Leading the team into the high performing space for a sports coach takes great courage.

This moved the conversation to the role of the coach - because I claimed the coach in a sporting team is the leader of the team. Very quickly a participant disagreed claiming the coach is not on the field playing so how can they possibly be the leader of the team? This provoked insightful thought and conversation within the group.

A breakthrough in thinking erupted for everyone and I heard myself saying "absolutely that is exactly the point". The leader delegates and supports but they do not "play" - they do not go onto the field - what a great analogy! Thanks to the challenge from a participant we had a wonderful conversation and a breakthrough in thinking. Participants clearly understood how essential it is to let go of "doing" if you want to manage and lead a high performing team. This is an experience and conversation I plan to hold onto as I facilitate future programmes.

I hear many people talk about the importance of networking. It often sounds like a tedious "thing" they need to undertake in order to create professional success. A very dear colleague of mine has taught me so much about networking - Kim McGuinness from Network Central - and I want to share what i have learned to dispel this drudgery and compulsion to do stuff.

Networking is about engaging with people because you want to and you value their thoughts, ideas and feelings. You want to nurture an authentic relationship with them and engage in real conversations. And at it's extreme I like to think of it as opportunities to "pay it forward" - share value with others because you can and because you want to - and not with the expectation of receiving something in return. Do that and you risk being seen as manipulative!

So networking is organic and free flowing and about connecting with people not about collecting business cards to put into your data base of contacts! You can spot those people a mile off- they are the ones who shake your hand, exchange cards very quickly and very soon their eyes begin to dart around the room to seek out their next "victim". I don't know about you but I do not bother with keeping the cards of these people - they showed little interest in me as a person and I do not feel the desire to "connect."

When you connect in the real way I am proposing then there is no need for regular monthly connection - there is a depth of connection which means people remain connected even though there is not regular contact. Interesting and curious - make the connection real and the trust is high, judgment is low and conversations inspiring.

If you don't understand - ask me
If you don't agree - challenge me
If you don't like it - tell me
But don't start judging me silently.

Read this on social media a few weeks ago and I have been using it in my leadership development programs especially when we complete the modules on engaging in conversations and resolving conflict constructively.

At the very heart of collaboration is the need for divergent thinking and this means complete transparency - adopt the mantra above and you will find greater ability to collaborate! People are being more open and honest with each other and not walking out of meetings and talking about their "judgements" with other people. This is a seriously destructive trait we have perfected in Australia - avoiding the conversations we really need to have. And if we do decide to have the conversation eventually - we don't have it with the right person. Instead we talk about it with someone else - sharing our judgement and frustrations with someone else!

I have been working hard on using this mantra each day and welcome your contribution to this conversation - how are you going with its application?

I had an interesting conversation recently exploring how long you can reasonably expect to work with people in a supplier/partnering relationship. It was stated that 5 years was certainly a long time and if it lasts that long you have done a brilliant job. This got me thinking - what is a reasonable expectation? I would value hearing from others on this topic.

When partnering with clients I truly believe in enduring and sustainable relationships where we grow and support each other. We build a wonderful platform of trust and continue to leverage from it and grow together. Why do we need to keep searching outside for something better - when we have a brilliant relationship that we can continue to leverage from?

The classic example is what happens in the marketing and the HR divisions of companies - new people come in and they get rid of the existing suppliers to make way for new; without enough recognition of the trust built by people in the business with the supplier. Why do we keep propelling this idea of out with the old and make room for the new? What are the benefits?

I read this quote from Mark Twain

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

and it got me thinking:

 

Having been on the receiving end of many angry bosses I thought I don't know if I agree with this quote - because it hurts loads when it is poured on you. However on deeper reflection I agree totally with the quote because those who store it become isolated, feared, removed, lonely and eventually lose their way back. They don't know any other way to turn up because the anger erodes any other emotional choices and it becomes easy to retain my reputation of being angry. Others get to know the triggers and may even push them in order to discount you in a meeting - irrational angry person!

Courageous Leaders don't allow anger to fester and dwell - in fact I would go as far to say they choose to come from a place of anger less and less - choosing to access a more constructive emotion.

 

 

Coaching a senior person recently we explored the importance of managing your anger. He wanted some tools to deal with it so I thought I would share the essence of our conversation with the intent it could support someone else in the same situation.

I believe in the power and depth of these 3 simple yet incredibly challenging mindset shifts to manage your anger:

1. Learn to recognize and label your emotions - in our busyness we too rarely take the time to reflect on how we are feeling and know that emotions impact dramatically on how we choose to engage in conversations, give feedback to someone, make decisions and various other behaviors needed to survive in the business world. So be conscious of when you are feeling angry - be present and in the moment with it.

2. Become conscious of what triggers these emotions - sometimes anger is triggered by us perceiving someone is being lazy, or someone's lack of initiative or lack of attention to detail. Start to understand these triggers and look to manage them constructively before emotion like anger is triggered in a disruptive way. So the most important thing is to start with YOU and how you can turn up differently to these situations. Be conscious of why you choose to feel anger and what triggers your choice

3. Should you feel anger then own it and excuse yourself from the situation until you can assert this anger constructively  - never take it out on someone else! Remember you have chosen to be angry........you could choose to access a different emotion - you could choose to see the situation differently......there are loads of choices available. In the short term you need a strategy to stop you from taking your anger out on someone - walk away after acknowledging your anger and that you want to resolve this situation/conversation tomorrow when you have had time to collect your thoughts more constructively.

Would love to hear from people who put these 3 steps into practice.

Working with a wonderful group of participants we explored the difference between challenging, betrayal and loyalty when it comes to building a high performing team.


On the flipchart I drew a big U shape and right through the middle of this U I drew dotted lines and wrote up CHALLENGING; I then wrote loyalty on one side of the U and on the opposite side I wrote betrayal. Through conversation with the participants I was able to explain that when you use challenging as a business behaviour you are upfront, honest and inspiring - you own your thoughts and you have your back. While loyalty and betrayal are either side of the spectrum and result in you either needing to cover your back if you use betrayal or using loyalty for protection of your back - either way you do not openly share what you think and feel.


It was a rich distinction and one that helped people see the true value of challenging as a critical business  behaviour. Courageous Leaders challenge and as a result continue to learn and develop with great agility.

I facilitated a session recently on engaging in challenging conversations constructively and it was inspiring to hear everyone walk away willing to adopt the mantle of courageous leader and actively unleash the courage to have more of these conversations.

We explored the importance of these conversations to innovation, collaboration, engagement and high performance. All made logical sense.

Then we explored what holds us back then if the benefits are so great.

Fear of consequences holds people back - they do not want to make themselves vulnerable - as vulnerability is still seen by many people as weak.

I felt myself feeling disillusioned because challenging is still not embraced constructively - when emerging leaders unleash their courage to initiate a challenging conversation they are still being met far too often with a response that comes from positional power! So their vulnerability is rewarded with power - more opposing tensions at play - the other is that of fear and courage. These emerging leaders fear for their continued employment in the business - what a way to feel when you are about to engage in a challenging conversation.