Courageous Leaders Blog

I was reading a magazine article recently and this statement provoked some deep thought - "Rather than ask, 'Am I happy?', ask 'Am I doing things that are meaningful?'"

I am guilty of wanting to feel happy all the time and especially happy when I'm with my family - I don't want to waste a precious moment being sad and living with regrets. However is this real and is it achievable? - this is what the article questions you about. It questions our desire and social push for positivity.

The article suggests that you should rather ask am I doing things that are meaningful - because in the moment you may not be happy and yet you can still be embracing meaningful experiences.

Again I am drawn to think of a pendulum and in our humanness it swings from happiness to unhappiness. And to be courageous we need to find our core - the courageous core of meaning!  As I continue to explore this conundrum I feel connected to engaging in meaningful experiences. I believe this reframe has brought benefits:

* feelings of peace
* significance around the experiences being created
* focus on the journey rather than the outcome which is at a single point in time.

Courageous leaders engage in meaningful experiences and appreciate that both positive and negative emotions may pop up - so much more than happiness.

I engaged in a few conversations recently about the link between courage
and business outcomes. What is the business benefit of engaging more
courageously with each other?

When people hold themselves personally accountable to turn up more
courageously then conversations are different - they are more open, more
real, more challenging and ultimately result in improved:

1. Decisions - higher quality, greater speed, willingness to diverge
before they converge into a final decision and higher levels of buy in
to implement and embrace the decisions

2. Engagement - when people are real with each other and share openly
there is heartfelt connection and people bring themselves completely to
the resulting actions and activities

3. Intellectual application to business issues - when people are
enCOURAGEd to bring their thoughts, ideas and feelings openly and in a
very real way then you are leveraging the intellect of each person and
this adds up to far greater intellectual capability than just that of
the boss - it is simple mathematics!

4. Innovation and entrepreneurial thinking - because people are actively
invited to think outside the box and test the boundaries without fear of
retribution, labelling and judgement

5. Collaboration - increased speed at which people work together to
achieve a result in an innovative way, while feeling inspired and
engaged. Ultimately this provides a competitive advantage in the market
place.

And it all starts by bringing personal accountability for being
courageous. It works quicker and with greater success when it is
initiated and lead from the top - the existing leaders.

My initial and quick thoughts demonstrate the business outcomes for
putting courage into action are significant.

We explored this recently: people want to feel significant in their roles, in their organisation and in their lives - and do we know what makes people feel significant?

Courageous Leaders invest the time and energy to discover what makes each individual in their team feel significant. When was the last time you found out what makes each person in your team, in your family and in your life.......feel significant?

While engaging in a conversation with some of our participants about what makes them feel significant - it got me thinking: what makes me feel significant as a facilitator of leadership development programmes?

Ask yourself the question - what makes me feel significant? - and then be surprised by the depths at which you have to go to come up with an authentic response.

The question brought out my values at a deep level.  My top value is gratitude and after some reflection I was able to establish that for me to feel significant, I need words of gratitude in an authentic and heartfelt way about the difference my involvement has made. It is simple and relatively easy to do from a client perspective and does not cost money.

And to my surprise after participating in this conversation I received two lovely emails from two different clients doing just that.........and I felt significant, I felt recognised and valued. I felt I had made a difference and contributed to the organisational change being experienced. What an amazing feeling it is too!! It spurs your passion, your commitment to the end goal and to keep contributing exceptional value to people who are grateful for your efforts.

Significance rarely costs leaders or others anything other than the time and energy it takes to appreciate, show gratitude and recognise - and generally this is done through a real conversation! If it is so "simple" why do so many leaders find it so hard to do?

Too many leaders focus on the hard edge of leading - task orientation - and dismiss the soft edge of leading - people orientation; as the warm and fuzzy stuff that is not essential. In all honesty though, I think they  find it too hard to engage in a real conversation where the significance of people is recognised.  It is uncomfortable, it is embarrassing or at worst they deem it unnecessary because after all aren't they just doing their job?

 I find that very sad - human connection and personal gratitude - the personal cost to give it is so small and yet the personal reward to receive it is so great. So make a conscious effort to make those around you feel significant!

Now I can almost hear a groundswell of people challenging me - that people create their own reality and therefore their own feelings of significance. It shouldn't be up to the leaders to do this I hear you say.

I believe it is critical we recognise our "human condition" - and the need for feeling significant and how it is fuelled through external feedback. That's the simple reality - most of us are not well enough evolved and transformed to feel significant without such encouragement and involvement.

Courageous Leaders make people they interact with feel significant!

In this fortnightly series, Alison Glynn-Baker discusses some key concepts in Mandy Holloway’s book, ‘Inspiring Courageous Leaders’.  She also poses some provocative questions.  We invite you to provide your opinion and join the discussion.

 

The Slow Conversation Movement

 

Can you talk like you tweet?  Didn’t think so.  We may have worked out how to write a pithy tweet in less than 140 characters, but some things take good old-fashioned time.  A relationship is one of them.

 

 

Stephen Covey’s nifty graphic encourages leaders to think about where they spend their time.  Are you a Q3 kind of person - constantly putting out fires and attending to things on a last-in-first-out basis?  Do you get to spend much time in the serene space that is Q1, taking time to plan and reflect?

 

So it is with our conversations at work.  They can be to-do list, trivial, traumatic or transcendent.

 

Come again?

 

The To-do list Conversation – This is what I’m doing.  This is what you’re doing. This is who I saw.  This is when I’ll see them next.  There’s a lot of what in these conversations, but not necessarily much how or why.

 

The Trivial Conversation - A trivial conversation is neither urgent nor important.  Views are divided on social niceties – all the how’re you going and how was your weekend and so how’s this weather you hear in lifts and at water-coolers.  I suppose these conversational rituals are necessary, otherwise you could be seen as unapproachable and possibly weird.  As an introvert, though, I find this kind of conversation tiring unless it’s going to turn into a longer-term relationship.

 

Possibly even worse are trivial conversations in meetings.  How many meetings have you attended – or even run – where everybody talks about nothing and nothing is decided?

 

The Traumatic Conversation (Your time starts…. Now!) - It’s urgent. It’s important.  It’s one fire after another. Emotions and stakes are high, and everyone is exhausted afterwards.

 

The Transcendent Conversation - We apparently hear and process information four times faster than people can talk.  So, it takes some doing to sit still and listen, without judging, jumping to conclusions or planning a sharp response.

 

 

That’s what this chapter is about.  The importance of listening to understand.

 

This chapter is also about having the courage to share.   Maybe you’ve had the courage to peel the onion on your own behaviour and preferences and it hasn’t caused too many tears. The next step is to bring yourself to a relationship, and allow the other person to do the same.

 

As a leader, in a sharing conversation you shouldn’t treat knowledge as power.  There is a time for listening, but at some stage you need to makes yourself vulnerable by sharing your own views and experiences.  Only by having conversations that rise above the ordinary, can you begin to experience the force of relationship mastery.

 

Did you read this and feel you had to defend your conversational corner?  Maybe you are a big fan of the trivial conversation and see it as just as important.  And to-do list conversations are a necessary evil, aren’t they?  What kind of conversation works for you?  This is your chance to have your say.

 

Don't have a copy of Inspiring Courageous Leaders? Buy it now


About Alison Glynn-Baker: Alison Glynn-Baker has 15 years’ experience in professional services marketing, business development and operations.  Through her own consultancy, she has combined her two passions - training and writing – to help clients improve performance both personally and in business. 
 

I hear many people talk about the importance of networking. It often sounds like a tedious "thing" they need to undertake in order to create professional success. A very dear colleague of mine has taught me so much about networking - Kim McGuinness from Network Central - and I want to share what i have learned to dispel this drudgery and compulsion to do stuff.

Networking is about engaging with people because you want to and you value their thoughts, ideas and feelings. You want to nurture an authentic relationship with them and engage in real conversations. And at it's extreme I like to think of it as opportunities to "pay it forward" - share value with others because you can and because you want to - and not with the expectation of receiving something in return. Do that and you risk being seen as manipulative!

So networking is organic and free flowing and about connecting with people not about collecting business cards to put into your data base of contacts! You can spot those people a mile off- they are the ones who shake your hand, exchange cards very quickly and very soon their eyes begin to dart around the room to seek out their next "victim". I don't know about you but I do not bother with keeping the cards of these people - they showed little interest in me as a person and I do not feel the desire to "connect."

When you connect in the real way I am proposing then there is no need for regular monthly connection - there is a depth of connection which means people remain connected even though there is not regular contact. Interesting and curious - make the connection real and the trust is high, judgment is low and conversations inspiring.

Stop playing it safe and saying what is expected, what is acceptable and predictable. Or worse still avoiding the conversation altogether. Instead share those deep thoughts and feelings, share the disappointments, the shattered expectations, the hopes and the dreams.

Make sure what you share comes with good intent - be clear on your intention.

Have the highest intention for yourself and for the other person/people.

Decide what is most important to achieve from the conversation you want to engage in.

Get clear on what you are going to say and just as importantly frame yourself around the kind of listening you are going to engage in - plan to listen with the intent to really understand the other person.

Connect deeply with their situation, their context, their expectations and the outcomes they seek. This means you need to listen beyond the words - listen for their concerns and worries in the language they choose, the gestures, the pace of speech - there are many clues that many of us miss.

I am planning such a conversation with a client and am challenging myself to move way into my learning zone and share thoughts and feelings I may not have dared to do a few months ago. I am stretching into my full potential and feeling the fear and doing it anyway! The very essence of courage I believe.

I invite you to do the same over the next month and let's share the outcomes.

Recently I had an interesting few days as I found myself lying still whilst investing my energy into repairing my back. I have been reminded that lying still is not something I do well, especially as everyone around me dances, runs, walks and laughs their way around life.

I took to exploring inspirational quotes and loved this one -

 

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, It is about learning to dance in the rain."

 

What I loved about this was the imperative of engaging with the present. I feel I have been an observer of life over the last few days and life for me is so much more about engaging! Some people find meditation re-energizes  - what I have realized is I need to be present and engaged with people to feel alive. I love to embrace the storm of life and if that means dancing in the rain then count me in. I have had enough solitude these last few days to last me for the next ten years! We all cope and engage differently and I think it is vital we each find the way that brings out our best - so I am grateful for the last few days and the clarity it has created.

I lay listening to my daughters embracing their "storm" as they got stuck into cleaning their incredibly messy room - and I loved listening to them giggling and laughing with music turned up high as they danced their way through the storm. I just wanted to join in!

So how about you - does dancing in the rain work for you?

In this fortnightly series, Alison Glynn-Baker discusses some key concepts in Mandy Holloway’s book, ‘Inspiring Courageous Leaders’.  She also poses some provocative questions.  We invite you to provide your opinion and join the discussion.

 

"No one can answer for his courage when he has never been in danger"  - Duc de la Rochefoucauld, Maxims

When I was completing school in South Africa, there was a story going around about a boy whose final English essay topic was ‘Courage’.  After two hours he handed in the exam booklet, in which he had written the essay title and three words: “This took courage.”  It is said he got a Distinction.

Was he lucky?  Reckless?  Or just very brave? What was going through his mind?  And just imagine if he’d been failed instead of given an A?

Sticking to a script is easy.  Facing down a blank sheet of paper and imprinting it with your own story is one of the most daunting things you will ever do.

Chapter 1 of Mandy Holloway’s book talks about what courage is for you. Courage is a very attractive word on paper.  Its root is the Latin word ‘cor,’ meaning heart.  Who wouldn’t act from the heart, you may ask?    You’ll see at the end of each chapter that Mandy asks some Rattling Your Cage questions, designed to challenge your habits.  And you might truly feel rattled as you ponder whether and how you are demonstrating courage as a leader.

Where do you currently fit in the organisation?  If you are part of the top team, which shares overall accountability for the organisation’s outcomes, and have senior leaders reporting to you, then you are known as an existing leader.  

If you are an emerging leader, you are managing people and working towards organisational outcomes.  Emerging leaders report to existing leaders.  

Mandy talks about a wedge of fear.  This wedge prevents emerging leaders and existing leaders from having really necessary conversations with each other. What does this wedge look like?  Discontent. Blame. Defensiveness.  And even apathy.

And that blank sheet of paper?  It’s a ledge of learning – a place where both parties start talking.  Without a script.  Over time people feel stable and supported in having those conversations.  They become part of a united population of courageous leaders, connected to each other and committed to the future of the business.  This creates a high-performance culture, and a wealth of personal and professional possibilities which you can only begin to imagine.  We will talk about an infinity of possibilities in the next blog when we explore the Courageous Leaders Model in more detail.

The Courageous Leaders Model helps you build your own personal framework and identify what courage means to you. You might even find it’s already one of your character strengths.

But it has to start with a single, as-yet-unwritten word.

As a leader, if you do something that takes courage, what does success look like?  And what about failure?  Can it really be said you have failed when you have been courageous?  This is your chance to have your say.

 

 

Don't have a copy of Inspiring Courageous Leaders? Buy it now

About Alison Glynn-Baker: Alison Glynn-Baker has 15 years’ experience in professional services marketing, business development and operations.  Through her own consultancy, she has combined her two passions - training and writing – to help clients improve performance both personally and in business.

 

At Courageous Leaders we often ask leaders to ask themselves some challenging questions. Recently Seth Godin provided a list of 7 (actually 8 including the bonus) challenging questions, that encourage leaders to approach issues differently, be flexible and open, be collaborative and relinquish the need to be right. Read his post here.

These questions interestingly link to the key aspects of the Courageous Leaders Model:

Seth G - Do you let the facts get in the way of a good story?
Connect and Commit - A courageous leader knows that both the facts AND the feelings, our intuitive sense of how to respond and our ability to share our stories are all equally important. By being open to facts, intuition and stories leaders enable connection and commitment throughout the organisation.

Seth G - What do you do with people who disagree with you... do you call them names in order to shut them down?
Courage - Rather than reacting, a courageous leader doesn’t react by trying to put others down, instead they courageously address the issue at hand.

 Seth G - [Bonus: Are you willing to walk away from a project or customer or employee who has values that don't match yours?]
Conviction - Courageous leaders truly own their values and question the behaviour of leaders, employees, customers and suppliers when it does not fit their values. When a partner or sales director brings in large amounts of business and behaves in a bullying or harassing manner to to others, what measures do you take if this is inconsistent to your values?

Seth G - Is it okay if someone else gets the credit?
Confidence – A courageous leaders has an inner confidence and is keen to share credit and recognition. Courageous leaders truly own their values and question the behaviour of leaders, employees, customers and suppliers when it does not fit their values.

Seth G – Are you open to multiple points of view or do you demand compliance and uniformity?
Seth G - How often are you able to change your position?S
Change – for any twenty-first century leader, change is simply part of every day life.  Courageous leaders relish the opportunity to take in new information and change their point of view and way ofdoing business.  Note - A courageous leader sees change as an opportunity to develop and hone their leadership skills

Seth G - Do you have a goal that can be reached in multiple ways?
Challenge – A courageous leader is open to being challenged by others and discovering new ways to address opportunities and solve problems.

Seth G - If someone else can get us there faster, are you willing to let them?
Empowering others – (an outcome with the CL model) A courageous leader is willing to let go, to move aside when someone else has more knowledge, experience or passion for a project, issue or opportunity. Being a facilitator for others to achieve their best is an integral part of courageous leadership.

At Courageous Leaders we link all these qualities to Leadership Mastery, a cornerstone of our Courageous Leaders programs and workshops.

By Mandy Holloway & Fiona Pearman